She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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