dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
