Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
