You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Of course I have a pirate flag
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize