Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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