remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
