A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
