1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
