everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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