I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Randomize
