There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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