I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize