My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
