she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
COCAINE IS GR8
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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