So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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