I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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