TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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