oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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