508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
