just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
