Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
