Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Randomize
