Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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