I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
