She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
