she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
