if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Who died my cat blue again?
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
