I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
