Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
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