Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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