My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
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