I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Randomize
