at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize