Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
