I looked at my own cervix.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
