the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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