Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize