somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
