he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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