I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
