So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
