I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
