I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
