Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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