i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
