one two three fourrrrnication!
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
