ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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