you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
