There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
