the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
