She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
