I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
