I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
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