Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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