So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
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