the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
