You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
