She's JV to your varsity
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Randomize
