is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Send help, water and tortillas.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
