Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
