Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
