i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Semen is not good for contacts.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
