You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
