Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
